Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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