I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
