You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize