Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
please come you make the beer taste better
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
