So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
