The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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