I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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