Plan B is the new Plan A
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
