if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
