Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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