It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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