why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
