Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
