I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
