im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Buhtt sex?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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