You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
