She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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