we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
