remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The beer is more important than you right now.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
