I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
