no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
