This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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