This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize