I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You ruined the universe
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
