By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
