Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
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