I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Someone signed my nipple.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
