Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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