So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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