Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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