youre lurking in front of me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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