I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
