man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
