Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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