guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
