He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
handjob tips. give me some.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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