She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize