I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
