Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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