Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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