your room smells of hookers.
And success
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
