Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
