it was like his penis was on wheels.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
