Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
