I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
COCAINE IS GR8
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
