the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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