I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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