idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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