I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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