I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
