I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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