can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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