Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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