he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
