I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
