a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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