You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize