Dude my mom stole all your condoms
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
