The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
