no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize