even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
