i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
