so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize