Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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