Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
