What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
