I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
