you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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