Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
