Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
