11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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